A very fine Christian man in my congregation asked me to read over this book because he wants to teach on it. His concern is the author's concern--he sees more women in church than men (though the "gap," using Murrow's terminology, is far less pronounced in our church than most), and he wants our church to reach all people, including men. I'm sure he sees women coming to church alone and would like to see the husbands there, too. These are important concerns. They come from a heart for people and a heart for the Gospel. Murrow's concern is a good one. He went looking for a book that would help him understand why more women come to church than men and when he couldn't find one he wrote one himself. I'm grateful to him for being courageous enough to begin the conversation.
The root of my concern with Murrow's book is that it begins very well and veers from the right path immediately. Murrow says that the de facto religion of men is "masculinity." It encompasses sports, hunting, aggression, leisure, TV, beer drinking, and a myriad of activities, traits, and values that men use to define themselves as men. He recognizes that a man steeped in the culture of the religion of masculinity will find the church uncomfortable and will feel out of place.
Murrow then describes the church as steeped in a culture of femininity, one determined by the values and preferences of women, a culture dominated by women and effeminate men. He describes how uncomfortable men find a culture of feelings, reading, and relationships. He urges churches to use the language of adventure, prefer men over women for visible leadership positions, and shape ministry toward the heart values of men. He thinks if the church gets more manly, than the women will be fine and go along because they will be happy that their men are in church.
From time to time, this book made me wonder if Ron Burgundy from the film "Anchorman" had been dragged to church by Veronica Corningstone and then written a book about how the church could change to fit guys like him. He uses bad theology, bad anthropology, bad psychology, bad exegesis. In a bit reminiscent of the scene in "Anchorman" when Ron explains that women have smaller brains than men ("It's science."), Murrow says that men's brains are functionally not as well suited to reading, and so all the reading out of books at church make men uncomfortable, and so churches ought to have fewer books and less reading and churches need less bookish pastors. This is but one example of laughably wrong and potentially dangerous ideas in the book.
And still, Murrow has approached a real problem, and there's something to what he's saying. He seems to know that his explanations and solutions are flawed. He doubles back on himself constantly. He continuously qualifies himself.
The church is, indeed, confused about masculinity. Men are confused about masculinity. Being male is a matter of biology. But men feel that they somehow need to live up to who they are. Men are born men, and yet they most certainly need to learn how to be men. The culture is hugely confused about masculinity. And so the "religion of masculinity," as Murrow puts it, becomes a popular false religion for men. But it makes men into a caricature of true masculinity. A man who is a good, strong, Christian man has no need to prove his masculinity to himself, other men, or anyone else through strutting, posturing, womanizing, shooting guns, driving big trucks, hunting and fishing, talking sports, or anything else. Don't get me wrong--shooting guns, sports, big trucks and all that are fine and for guys who enjoy them they are fantastic. But real men can take or leave cultural trappings of masculinity because they have developed character deeply grounded in the image of God that make them perfectly comfortable in their own skin as men.
Murrow's problem is that he thinks we need to syncretize the culture of the Church with the "religion of masculinity." I'm grateful for Murrow's book, not because I agree with him, but because he helps me see that what the church really needs to do is a better job of teaching men how to be disciples who have turned from a caricature of masculinity to a true masculinity based on the person of Jesus Christ.
Murrow's most useful material comes from his practical reflections of how men can serve as men following Jesus. In a culture desperate for fathers, Christian men can offer mentoring and serve as father figures, thereby discovering a masculine calling and offering a gift only men can give. Murrow says that men need relationships with each other (as do women), that these relationships will necessarily be purposeful and different than relationships with women in some ways, that men should gather together for prayer and accountability. The people of God have always gathered in groups, and have often and successfully developed strong disciples when genders segregated for small group interaction. These reflections in no way minimize the importance of women in the congregation or turn the church into a boys club with men dominating everyone else.
Men discover real masculinity in caring for their families. Being a husband and father upon whom my wife and children can place their trust makes me more of a man, not less. When we say in a the midst of a disagreement, "Be the bigger man," we are not urging conflict or teaching men to be passive. We are recognizing that it takes more courage to love than it does to fight. Men find what true masculinity means not by shaping their faith to cultural standards of masculinity, but by becoming more like Jesus. Just as the Gospel teaches us that we gain life by losing our lives, men can only discover true masculinity by abandoning the culture's charade of masculinity. Perhaps the most dangerous suggestion in the book is Murrow's admonition that churches should talk less about having a relationship with Jesus because it makes men uncomfortable to talk about having a relationship with a man. No man can find out what it means to be the man he was made to be without learning it in relationship with Jesus Christ.
Perhaps the central inconsistency of the book's message (and there are many) is the assertion that women seek comfort and men seek challenge, so the church should make men more comfortable. The church must challenge men to be men according to God's definition. Churches should be more missional, more adventurous, more challenging, less devoted to personal comfort. But these things are true because of the Gospel, not because of gender stereotypes. They are a challenge to men and women alike. Murrow describes an early Church that attracted men. That Church attracted men not because it was trying to be masculine, but because it was devoted to the Gospel and to one man, Jesus Christ.
